Is Your Mind Keeping You Safe or Keeping You Stuck?

As I sat on the ferry heading to Sherkin Island recently, I found myself thinking, “What am I doing?”

I’d been invited to speak at a wellness event. A lovely opportunity, in a beautiful setting. Yet my mind was busy coming up with reasons why staying at home might have been a better idea!

What if I didn’t speak as well as I’d hoped? What if I lost my train of thought or made a fool of myself? And who was I to be standing up talking to people about wellbeing anyway?

I’ve been coaching and facilitating groups for years, but that doesn’t make me immune to self-doubt.

And it reminded me of something I find fascinating about how our minds work.

Our minds are designed to protect us, not necessarily to help us thrive

Our brains are constantly anticipating potential threats and encouraging us to avoid discomfort.

That’s useful when we’re facing genuine danger. Less helpful when the perceived threat is embarrassment, rejection, failure or simply doing something unfamiliar.

That little voice can be remarkably convincing.

“Why put yourself through it?”

“What if it doesn’t go well?”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to leave it?”

And sometimes we listen, because avoiding something uncomfortable brings immediate relief.

The problem is that what feels safest in the moment isn’t always what brings us the greatest fulfilment.

Think about the opportunities you’ve talked yourself out of. The social invitation you declined, the conversation you avoided, the new experience you put off.

Not necessarily because you didn’t want them, but because the thought of doing them felt uncomfortable.

And the more we avoid discomfort, the fewer opportunities we give ourselves to discover what we’re capable of and what we might enjoy.

What helped me get out of my own head

I knew that if I kept engaging with every negative thought, I’d only make myself more anxious.

So I made a conscious effort to shift my attention.

I focused on connecting with the people on the boat, reminding myself that they wanted me to do well. I took in the beautiful scenery and allowed myself to appreciate just how special it was to be there.

I also reminded myself that feeling uncomfortable was perfectly understandable. This wasn’t an everyday experience, and knowing some of the people who would be listening naturally made me want to do the very best I could.

But perhaps the most helpful reminder was that it didn’t need to be an amazing talk. It needed to be an authentic one that connected with people.

If I spoke from the heart, shared something useful and focused on the people listening rather than how I was performing, that was enough.

It wasn’t about me. It was about them.

The uncomfortable thoughts didn’t magically disappear, but I didn’t have to give them all my attention either.

Fear doesn’t always mean stop

Something I’ve learned through coaching, and continue to experience myself, is that fear isn’t always a warning that something is wrong.

Sometimes it’s simply the discomfort of doing something that is outside our comfort zone or where the outcome really matters to us.

Of course, there are times when fear is telling us something important. And sometimes what we genuinely need is rest, not another challenge.

But it’s worth asking ourselves:

Am I avoiding this because it isn’t right for me, or because I’m afraid of how I might feel?

And perhaps an even more useful question:

If I didn’t let fear make this decision, what would I choose?

The other side of discomfort

Looking back on that ferry journey, I’m struck by the difference between how I felt beforehand and afterwards.

Beforehand, I had to keep distracting my mind from imagining everything that could go wrong.

Afterwards, I felt energised, connected and grateful that I’d said yes.

I never imagined I’d find myself living in beautiful West Cork, let alone taking a ferry to Sherkin Island to speak about wellbeing.

And it was a lovely reminder that some of the experiences that bring us the most joy, connection and sense of being alive require us to move through uncomfortable thoughts, feelings and emotions.

We don’t always need to feel confident before we act. More often, confidence grows because we act.

I’m very glad I said yes and got on that boat.

So, if there’s something you’ve been wanting to do but that little voice in your head keeps talking you out of it, perhaps it’s time to say yes anyway.